I can't compete
by EmmanuelleG
Summary: I could never compete with the idea and reality of a perfect family. I don't even fit into society. But I love you, isn't it more than the act you're living?  Chloe's last thoughts before falling.


I watched the movie Chloe today. It's beautiful, go see it. I cried at the end and decided to write this one-shot describing Chloe's feelings in the end.

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For a moment I wasn't sure whether to let go of the frame and fall to save her, her reputation and perhaps even self-esteem. Michael wasn't warm towards her, I felt it in every word of his and it hurt. She was his mother and he acted as if nothing linked them, as if his blood wasn't also hers. He would hate her even more if I decided to throw a tantrum. And her husband…well, I can't talk about this. It is he, David, that makes her feel wanted and alive while for me it is she. Catherine didn't you kiss me back ? For a moment, a moment both so painful and beautiful, I thought that everything was over and I finally found my little peace. But you pulled back and whispered incoherent fast words; you had to go back to your husband. It is another reason why I continued my story-telling. It's selfish but I wanted for you to, well, deny and push him away I suppose. When I told your secretary that I was your friend you didn't protest later and so I supposed, stupidly, that indeed we were. The world is a fake thing where everybody pretends to be something they aren't – I became quite good at this game. But I never was fake with you. Were you, tell me, were you ?

But you know, Catherine, it hurts so much. You came to me, you took my hand, almost forced me to get up and leave my client. You closed the door behind me and asked how he did it, how he touched me. If you only knew. But you didn't and so I climbed by your side and embraced you. Most say that love cannot be forced but you Catherine, made me fall in love. There was also the alternative that your son Michael represented. I could have stayed with him. A relationship, you know. I don't know if you would have tried to persuade him to leave me but silly Catherine, he isn't yours, he isn't listening to you. Yes, that would have been a way to get closer to you. I would have seen you every day. But this isn't contentment, merely a way to torture both you and me. The money you gave me, I never used it. Consider it a tribute to my craziness but those cheques are even now happily sitting on my kitchen table. I used to drink tea – not coffee because it's not good. I don't know if mixed with Zinc it can lead to something bad but I never took the chance – and observe your name. Catherine Stewart. You have a pretty handwriting.

You came to me and not once did I ask why. You needed comfort and so did I; we gave each other moments of nothingness. Really, it might sound silly, this word nothingness, but to be truthful it's beautiful. During those hours nothing could have disturbed us and I felt warm by your side. I wanted to see you since the moment your first spoke to me. Do you know that you're the first person who actually helped me without asking for something in return ? It felt good. But you can't just use people and then throw them away like useless tools, because people have feeling. And I do too. You thought that by forcing me to take some more of your money I would leave, close the door and never come back? I am not a toy, you cannot play with me, make me love you and then grip my shoulders and whisper frantically that all of this was just a business transaction. It wasn't and we both knew it. When I injured my knee you helped me while you could have left without a glance back. You cared about me for God's sake ! You inquired if I was in good health. No STD or something like that, Chloe ? No, Catherine, I'm fine. Are you sure the Zinc is working ? Yes, yes, it's working quite well.

Despite what classics say, revenge isn't sweet. I felt you in Michael but still it wasn't enough. We created a little world of our own and I believe that we were even happy. Was it that bad, Catherine ? Tell me. You shared with me and I with you, we cared about each other. It's what love is about, not indifference and tears because your David gave you only that. Your eyes were watery whenever I described my imaginary meetings with your husband and once you broke and cried bitterly and I was the one to comfort you. It was my arms around you- not his ! You and David isn't love, oh God it isn't.

Love is when you are ready to give up everything for the dear one in order to make him or her happy. I believe that it was at this moment that I decided to let first one then two fingers relax and I fell back a little. The air caressed lovingly my body, mockingly even and beckoned me to leave you once for all. Was it a game for you ? Distance yourself from me before breaking and allowing me to creep closer like a faithful dog because deep inside you liked, dare I say loved, my proximity ? When I was a kid I felt some perverse satisfaction playing with the boys. There had been one with glasses, Jack I think, and he fetched me ice cream whenever I asked him to. When he came back, hopeful, I smiled until the treat was in my hand. Then I laughed and walked away. It felt good to be the powerful one. Did you like it, Catherine ? Because you deserve a round of applause, you won and I broke.

I don't know about your husband but you love him. As much as it pains, as it stabs, me I have to admit that you do. You talk about him with adoration. Oh, I saw him but did nothing. He isn't as handsome as you described him. Just and average man. But only a woman with deep feelings can talk with such adoration. You loved, no, you love, him and you love your son. He is a gift that David gave you. I could never compete with the idea and reality of a perfect family. I don't even fit into society. The most polite term to describe what I am would be harlot – and no one wants to have an escort as a friend. But I love you, isn't it more than the act you're living ?

Everything stopped and suddenly I knew what awaited me should I grab you by the neck and help myself out of this situation. Nothing was the answer. You would send me away and the sick joke called life would continue. You, Catherine, would be constantly scared that I will intrude on you and destroy your marriage and…no matter anything I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I had hope when I kissed you and you didn't object. I lost it when you affirmed that everything was only a question of money. I gained it again at this very moment because by falling I would make you happy. You have your son, you husband and me. I have you. Just keep the hairpin. Please, please keep it.


End file.
